tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79964087595674312042024-02-18T20:02:55.515-08:00From Discouragement to Determination: A Journey Through A Tumultuous LifeAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17850232217713264264noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996408759567431204.post-17852940637793154752014-02-22T10:54:00.002-08:002014-07-20T16:35:55.662-07:00The not so Thinline between survival & succumbing<div>
<strong><em>INTRO</em></strong></div>
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First, I apologize for the large gap since the last one! No excuses at all, just apologies.</div>
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I'm just happy im here now! so much to share and hopefully so many blessings and knowledge to impart.<br />
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So this blog was supposed to be about applying the lessons I learned in the last decade I wrote about. <br />
But as I wrote, my heart spilled about how I got to the point of even being able to learn those lessons.<br />
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so here we go!</div>
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<strong><em>My "Etiffany" moment</em></strong></div>
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In the lovely decade known as my 20s, I endured losing jobs, money, love and friendships and at some moments even my faith. (see previous blogs)<br />
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I went from asking God, how much more I can take, to saying, God I survived it! and I learned so much.</div>
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There is this moment that happens when you're going through tribulation, when you're being hit with one thing after another, that your perspective changes. Some call it an aha moment. Some call it an epiphany... I like to call it a revelation. </div>
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I personally believe this is the moment where God's strength is being optimized! You've gotten broken down enough, you're drained, you're weak and empty. And God starts building you back up. You mindset goes from being a victim to being a survivor.</div>
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Because after every conflict, every misfortune, every piece of bad news, every bill you couldn't pay, every cold shoulder, every disappointment, you're STILL standing.</div>
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Then you're so happy about that fact, you stop whining (at least for a moment)! Then you're able to have that moment to think about everything you learned! and how much stronger you feel just by living through it. It's very empowering. That moment doesn't come with out a fight. And sometimes you will have to find strength from within yourself.</div>
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Because truth be told, we all have tribulation! but what is the difference between me and a person that committed suicide? or a person that chooses to leave the faith? or a person that becomes angry and bitter the rest of their life?<br />
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For me the difference was 4 things:</div>
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1. I never stopped talking to God. </div>
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Even if it was just to say, "I'm so upset. I'm so confused. I know you're there but I don't get it." I talked to him. So many people run from God when things get rough. That is THE LAST THING YOU SHOULD DO. It's hard enough in his hands... did you think it would get better when you ran from him? My worst day with God was still better than my best day would be without him.</div>
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2. I never completely disappeared. </div>
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Even if I became less social, or less responsive to communication. I never completely disappeared. You see, this is where the devil THRIVES. When you cut everyone else off, he has a monopoly on your emotions. He can help you wallow. He can help you to feel like there is no hope. He can put all types of thoughts in your head. He can tell you to kill yourself. he can tell you to drink until you don't feel it. He reminds you of the reasons that you should be angry and make that anger build and turn to hate. And there is NO ONE there to stop the flow of this negative and demonic energy because you shut yourself off. Before I totally disappeared in my tribulations, I will tell at least a couple people. "I'm in a real bad spot, no I don't wanna talk about it, but I need someone other than myself praying for me." Or I would say, this is what im feeling, and it would allow someone else to speak life, EVEN if I didn't want to hear it or even if it didn't change my mind a bit. It's still saved me to have them fighting for me when I wasn't fighting for myself.</div>
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3. I never stopped completely serving.</div>
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Some people have this interesting idea, that you only should do things when you feel like doing them. Sometimes it's ok to be on autopilot until your body kicks in.</div>
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Some sundays I was in such despair that, all I had strength to do was just get in the building. Just to walk in and sit down in the house of God. I was so down that I had no energy to completely engage in the service, but I knew that at least sitting in God's house was better than what would be happening at home. and even if I wasn't receiving any enjoyment or gratification in the flesh my spirit was getting fed. </div>
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NOTE: that's why some Christians should be careful of judging those that don't completely get into the service and accuse them of not being deep or saved. you have no idea what their mental state is, just be glad they are they and love them while they are there. that type of behavior can mess around and make them think it would be better to be at home.<br />
Still letting friends talk about their problems, still being in the ministries I was involved in at church, allows you to still give God something even in your dark place (some don't agree with this, but for me if I hadn't still pushed through, and chose to sit home I would've went deeper in my hole). </div>
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4. I had to force myself to never stop acknowledging that it could be worse</div>
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One of my revelations was that, in life we don't get to pick what story our life tells. We don't get to pick our testimony in many instances. We don't determine if our testimony will be "my mother died and I was able to eventually get thru the pain and live life again" versus "I was a little boy raped by a man and now I have feelings that I don't understand" or "I got in a car accident and I am paralyzed but I was still able to enjoy my new life" or "I was born with HIV," Things happen and then we try our best to restore ourselves. So in the middle of wallowing about friendships, my broken heart, my rocky family situations, and most of all my lost jobs/FINANCES. It hit me that, yeah ive been nearly homeless, I had a family member that crack addiction affected our family, I have had this and that happen to me, BUT yes it could be worse and yes these are all things that can be over come. Finances was a huge chip on my shoulder and I eventually got to a point of being like, ok Tiffany, while finances has always been a struggle, some people it's been health. you can work and get money, they can't work and get healthy cells. and the same with those that have health struggles. yes this is tough and im tired of taking all of this medicine but at least I am surrounded by love and have a comfortable living situation to endure this in. or I have money to enjoy my moments that I feel strong in a lavish way. so when you wallow, come up for air sometimes and look around. and if you need to go back down and wallow, that's fine. just don't stay there.</div>
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and I leave you with these scriptures to meditate on:<br />
<em>1 Thess. 5</em><br />
<span class="text 1Thess-5-11" id="en-ESV-29616"><em><sup class="versenum">11 </sup>Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.</em></span><br />
<em><span class="text 1Thess-5-12"><sup class="versenum">12 </sup>We ask you, brothers, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29617Q" title="See cross-reference Q">Q</a>)"></sup>to respect those who labor among you and <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29617R" title="See cross-reference R">R</a>)"></sup>are over you in the Lord and admonish you,</span> <span class="text 1Thess-5-13" id="en-ESV-29618"><sup class="versenum">13 </sup>and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29618S" title="See cross-reference S">S</a>)"></sup>Be at peace among yourselves.</span> <span class="text 1Thess-5-14" id="en-ESV-29619"><sup class="versenum">14 </sup>And we urge you, brothers, admonish <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29619T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)"></sup>the idle,<sup class="footnote" value="[<a href="#fen-ESV-29619c" title="See footnote c">c</a>]">[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Thessalonians+5&version=ESV#fen-ESV-29619c" title="See footnote c">c</a>]</sup> <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29619U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)"></sup>encourage the fainthearted, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29619V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)"></sup>help the weak, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29619W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)"></sup>be patient with them all.</span> <span class="text 1Thess-5-15" id="en-ESV-29620"><sup class="versenum"></sup></span></em><br />
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<em>2 Cor. 9a</em><br />
<em>But he said to me, <span class="woj"><sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29015N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)"></sup>“My grace is sufficient for you, for <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29015O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)"></sup>my power is made perfect in weakness.</span></em><br />
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<span class="woj"><em>2 Cor 4 </em></span><br />
<span class="woj"><em><span class="text 2Cor-4-7"><sup class="versenum">7 </sup>But we have this treasure in <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28850T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)"></sup>jars of clay, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28850U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)"></sup>to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-4-8" id="en-ESV-28851"><sup class="versenum">8 </sup>We are <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28851V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)"></sup>afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;</span> <span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-ESV-28852"><sup class="versenum">9 </sup>persecuted, but <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28852W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)"></sup>not forsaken; <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28852X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)"></sup>struck down, but not destroyed;</span> <span class="text 2Cor-4-10" id="en-ESV-28853"><sup class="versenum">10 </sup><sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28853Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)"></sup>always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28853Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)"></sup>so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.</span> </em><span class="text 2Cor-4-11" id="en-ESV-28854"><sup class="versenum"></sup></span></span><br />
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<span class="woj"><em>Romans 5</em></span><br />
<span class="woj"><em><span class="text Rom-5-3" id="en-NIV-28051"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings,<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28051H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup> because we know that suffering produces perseverance;<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28051I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Rom-5-4" id="en-NIV-28052"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>perseverance, character; and character, hope.</span> <span class="text Rom-5-5" id="en-NIV-28053"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>And hope<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28053J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)"></sup> does not put us to shame, because God’s love<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28053K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup> has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit,<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28053L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)"></sup> who has been given to us</span></em></span><br />
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sooo please look out for the next one, when I tell you all the awesomeness that happened once I get my new strength and new outlook.</div>
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It was truly epic! Nothing like a person going after their next with no fear, because everything they feared happening already did.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17850232217713264264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996408759567431204.post-49237746545450228432013-04-14T10:35:00.000-07:002014-07-20T16:42:41.712-07:00The lessons of all lessons: ending my decade <br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So 2011 & 2012 were dynamic years for so many reasons. It
was probably the most monumental year of my life as far as milestones for inner
growth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Trusting God<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2011 started with me still trying to recover from the
setbacks of losing my job in 2010 brought. I felt my future slipping even
further and further away. I was blessed to find a great paying salaried job at
the end of January. Of course I got excited. It was a big moment, I got
published in a couple papers for it, and it was a business I believed in. But
as has been the trend, it wouldn’t last too long. Between dealing with a
manager that was new to the role and didn’t always necessarily treat me the
same as the others and an older coworker that crossed a few boundaries without
being counseled from management, my peace was a struggle. The breaking point
was when, this previously mentioned older gentleman’s on and off young
girlfriend set her sights on me as being the reason that they were on and off
and began stalking me at the work place. With no help from management, I had to
go as far as getting a restraining order and at that point I decided this
amazing salary wasn’t worth it, and after 5 short months, I set my sights else
where, and I’ve been happy ever since.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This taught me about TRUSTING GOD in a new way. I think
before this point I was trusting him to get me out or to get me to where I’m
trying to go. After this, I realized it’s not about trusting God for where im
trying to go, but trusting him wherever I’m currently at.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether I’m a bum on the street, whether I’m
in a mid level job, or at the top of the class. GOD CAN TAKE CARE OF ME
WHEREVER I AM. HE CAN GIVE ME WHAT I NEED IN ANY LOT IN LIFE.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This was so essential for me, because for once, change didn’t
scare me as much. Because no matter the change, the down grade or upgrade, I
can trust God to be present. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prioritizing people<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">While all this was happening at work, the dynamics with my
interactions with people also were at an all-time high.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had a lifelong trend of trying to be looked upon with
favor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted people to think well of
me, and I wanted people to think highly of me and I wanted people to understand
me, and I wanted people to believe in me and that I could be great. And if ever
that didn’t happen, I’d feel hurt, feel the need to prove myself or explain
myself, or I’d get offended. I had high expectations for everyone I called
close.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It partially stemmed from the fact that outside of my “organizational
skills” or my being smart, or my being a knowledgeable Christian, my name was
never called or I wasn’t really thought of. But I kept thinking hey im more
than that. Don’t you think I’m pretty? Don’t you think I can dance? Don’t you
think I’m fun? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well all this seeking for that other recognition, it
manifested in my friendships and “acquaintanceships” sometimes and it got bad. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On the offended end, I was offended by not getting invited to events, friends' absence
from events I invited them too, friends not sharing big news with me… all those things
made me feel some type of way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The opposite was the being hurt end…One friend I thought the
world of and her approval meant everything. Well at this time in my life she
decided to stop talking to me. She was hanging out with everyone else and not
me. I kept wondering what I did wrong and it affected me to the point that I got
full on depressed, lost my appetite and everything.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In my gift of dance it manifested in that part of the reason
I danced became proving that I could. I joined a local dance company and the
experience wasn’t as great for me as it should’ve been because part of it
became me wanting a level of recognition that I never fully got. Wanting your
name called, is that why any Christian should dance? SMH…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So after my spirit being broken enough times and after being
disappointed, or hurt by the people around me enough times, I had to just have
one of MANY come to Jesus meetings. It was in sharing with one of my spiritual
confidants, and much prayer that God gave me .<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was confusing
friendships with assignments. In other words, people are assigned to me. I
should not be expecting anything out of it or anything back from them. Expect
them to leave and don't invest your heart. Invest your time and invest
God. Give them God don't give them you. So no matter what happens, you
will be ok. i hadn't been doing a good job of guarding my heart. and
covering myself. I was there to give God not me. I'm here to minister not
get all these bffs that i want to always have my back and stand by my
side. that’s not what these types of relationships are supposed to be.<br />
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so when interacting with people, be open be kind be willing to spend time.
be willing to be used in their life. but don't make it personal b/c its
not. its about them, God and you're the vessel he chose for them to
fellowship with at that time. when God puts them on your heart, call em.
but if people ignore or dont call back or invite you places or tell you
secrets or include you, what does that have to do with the assignment.
that's personal. <br />
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I needed to learn to take tiffany out of it.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2. I had a spirit of
idolatry. I was worshiping other people as in their opinions of me and
doing anything to keep myself in good standing with them. <br />
and i thought about it, if i can loose sleep and not eat over someone not
answering a text or someone ignoring me or the thought of someone being
mad at me. it has to be a curse b/c its definitely not a blessing and
definitely not of God. God gave me jer 17:5-7. <br />
i made a decision no more! not to let people's opinions of me matter so
much. its so easy for that to seem a "duh" but EVERYBODY wants
to be like or approved of in life, but you CAN’T let that approval become
the level of idolizing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Letting go of love<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After I grasped this, and it didn’t happen overnight, I can
truly say now that I live freer. I dance free and I love free. I don’t expect
much out of anyone and I don’t pressure anyone to play any role in my life. Life
is truly more fun and it’s so much easier to live not taking things personally
every other minute. There was just one more thing….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was one wonderful man that my focus was on from the
age of 19 up until last year. We were friends, we dated for several years and we
became friends again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">During all those years, I believed and felt it had been
confirmed to me and several others in my life, that this would be my husband. For
most of those years, he felt the same way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unfortunately, time changes things and time can also bring
questions marks and uncertainty. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have moved on with our lives, but he is still a dear
friend and an amazing man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">However I’d be lying if I didn’t say that for a while the
rises or falls affected me emotionally, self-esteem wise and in many cases even
my faith. For someone that worship people’s opinions, when the man you love and
think you’re going to marry, “appears” to not be pleased with you in one way or
another (physically, personality wise, spiritually, etc…) it can take it’s
toll.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I write about this because I think it’s important for women
to know:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Don’t be your own worst
enemy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In love don’t make it all
about you. Sometimes a person can be dealing with things or working
through things that have nothing to do with you. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t let your low esteem fuel firesa nd
cause you to loose your mind and make things harder on your special someone. Sometimes you can self sabotage.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Time is precious. Don’t
give anyone years to make decisions about your status in their life. Even
if God told you something, if he didn’t tell you when. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just write down what God said, put it
away, and don’t change your life focus on God until God puts it in your
path and you’ll know it’s time. And if it never happens, life goes on and
don’t let it affect your belief in anything else God told you. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">God is a gentleman, and he’s
not going to force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. Don’t try
to supercede God’s free will by forcing someone you love to do anything.
MOREOVER, if you’re having to force someone you love to do something, that
maybe an indicator of something.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never settle or believe that you couldn’t
get better. Never be anyone’s secret. If you’re in a man’s life, there’s a
difference between discretion and secrecy. If a man loves you, he’ll be
telling the world, he’ll be screaming it from the roof tops and he won’t
make you wait too long. Men in love CAN’T WAIT to marry her and they won’t
drag their feet too long. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Men in love won’t be
opening too many doors to emotionally bonding, spending one on one time
and connecting with other women on the road to marriage. He’ll be focusing
on getting himself where he needs to be to prepare for you. If he is doing
anything other than that, he’s not ready yet. And THAT’s ok. It doesn’t
make him a bad guy, just makes him a guy that’s not ready or is not sure
and may still be looking for his special someone and making sure it’s you. NOTE: If a man is only 90% sure, you have to decide how long you're comfortable waiting for that 90% to go to 100% or to 0%. Only you know the answer to that. And you can't always go by what he says, because if part of him is unsure, he's not gonna tell you because he doesn't want to risk losing you while he figures out what he ultimately wants. He may need more time and you have to decide if you're ok with that. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love ending doesn’t have to be nasty.
Respect is always the right choice. If he was good enough for you to date,
he is good enough for you to respect afterwards. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No need to bad mouth him, any one he
dated or is dating, and no need to not continue to pray for and root for
whatever his future holds. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So as you can see thru these blogs, from 19 to 29 was full
of life lessons, heartache, and even a few victories. A song I’ve been
listening to lately, “Greater is Coming” Jekalyn Carr and it best describes my
Decade of Dissabration (Dissappointment and Celebration):<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If it had not been for the shaking,<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I never would have been ready for the making, no<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If it had not been for the beating,<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would have never knew how anointed I would be.<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If it had not been for the pressing,<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wouldn't be able to walk into my destiny.<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He's preparing me, preparing me, preparing me for greater...<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">NEXT BLOG: Turning lessons into future applications: Refocusing
on my future<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17850232217713264264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996408759567431204.post-72896505147444477932013-01-09T13:13:00.001-08:002013-01-09T13:41:00.736-08:00I’m being obedient, so now what?: The journey to my future career and education continues<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If this is your first view and you haven’t viewed the blog “What God
says versus what I said” you may want to read it because it’s PART 1 of the
blogs that share my journey over the last 10 years through my career and
education as well as what I learned on the way.<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So the summer of 2010 started brightly. Although I was back
to 1 job only at Hyatt job so I could pursue my 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup> degree, needs
were still being met. My first semester going to school for my gifts, was
unlike any feeling I ever had in a classroom. I was majoring in Entertainment
Technology (stage management, stage tech and stage craft) and taking classes in
the dance program there, and I was in heaven.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There’s this feeling that comes soon after you make scary
obedience move, that lets you know you did the right thing. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">Some call it peace,
others call it confirmation.</span></b> I just know that FINALLY I was where I
was supposed to be. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Something about me, I LOVE the arts, especially the
performing arts and most definitely Christian performing arts. I love it all: the
creative process, stage management, the technical side, the rehearsal process
and of course being on the stage. And I personally believe that Christian performing
arts are not just for “good clean entertainment” or just for a means to praise
& worship our God, but also they are a very effective way to open up hearts
and minds to see what thus saith the Lord. If done well, they can be a sermon
though those arts. I believe that Christian performing arts can draw souls to Christ
and can lead to salvation. Music, visuals, song and dance can reach areas inside
some types of people that words can’t. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can have a passion or natural talent for something and
just do it not really think more on it, but if you’re like me, God will get
ahold of you and GOD will be like NO REST UNTIL YOU WALK THIS OUT AT THE LEVEL
I HAVE PLANNED FOR YOU TO DO IT!</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">I ENCOURAGE you to take your passions seriously</span></b>. Ask
God how far he wants you to go with it. Does he want it to be a career? Or just
something to minister to yourself and community? Sometimes in the body of
Christ we rely on our natural talent and whatever our ministry leaders impart
into us. I challenge you that if you know you have a gift or talent and you
want to use it for the kingdom, you should be the BEST at it you
possibly can and give it more time than just whenever rehearsal meets. EDUCATE
yourself on it! If there is ever a time that there should be excellence, it
should be when you’re executing something for God’s glory and to draw people to
Him.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So If you have a knack for doing sound, read up on sound and
engineering! See if you can take some online classes at a schools that provides
that. If you enjoy singing in your choir, GET a vocal coach! Learn how to read
music. Learn some scales! If you have the gift of gab (teaching, motivational
speaking, preaching) maybe take a speech class or join toast masters. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">DON’T. JUST. COAST.</span></b></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">*steps off soap box</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So yes it felt good to be making moves towards what God has
placed in me to be manifested in excellence.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then, of course as is the course with my life, that 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup>
semester of 2010 (fall semester), I get denied for financial aid. Oh yes, too
many credits. I even appealed and got denied, then I requested to meet with
dean, he really wanted to help me but after its denied that’s it. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In this same span of time, seeing I wasn’t gonna have
financial aid potentially, and also <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">just deciding to take another stab</span></b> at bachelors
degree level employment, after 2 years at hyatt, I took a job offer for a
company based in Orlando but that also let some people work from home in jax
and Gainesville. It took me back to the $15 I was making before. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I went thru 3 interviews and had EVERYBODY praying, b/c I
was so scared to make a move but so thirsty, yeah I said it thirsty, for
better. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I got it and everything
went great for 2 weeks. Then the next 2 weeks, not so great. Well then all of a
sudden when I called to log in, my log in wouldn’t work. I had to call them to
see why and that was when they let me know THEY DECIDED TO LET ME GO!!!! OH
LORD TAKE ME NOW!</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But seriously I was kinda devastated. I had prayed on that
thing and God gave me peace.'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I was like ok God i finally did it i finally went to school for what YOU wanted me to go to school for and now i can't afford to go to school and can barely afford to live? huh?!?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So here’s the thing, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">when you think you’re following God and it leads you to a
valley</span></b> (sn: oh my bishop has preached about this!) don’t think oh
I’m just not hearing him, or oh he’s trying to sabotage me. SOMETIMES God gives
you a yes because he wants you to go down that road because he has a test there
for you or a lesson for you to learn leads you to a test or to a place where
you have to trust him more than ever.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So yes, as I have been breaking down the
career/employment/education portion of my decade of dissabration you’ll see <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">this hasn’t been
the first downsize or failed attempt when I tried to make a positive change.</span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This time, I found myself making zero dollars! And although
I was able to finish out that semester of school with a little help from mom, I
not only wasn’t able to afford school, but now I wasn’t able to afford, well
ANYTHING.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh my lamb, I can tell you the things I learned in this time
were things I can use the rest of my life.</span></div>
<br />
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was NEVER the job that
supplied my needs. So if I ever loose a job again, I won’t fret b/c I
REMEMBER watching God make miracle after miracle after miracle.</span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My phone was never cut off, I
never got evicted, and although I had a car note, I never lost my car.</span></div>
<br />
<ol start="2" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Your history can become
your favor. When I had money, I helped everyone I could & I paid my
bills on time. You know <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">that thing about reaping what you sew is so real</span></b>.
All my bill collectors made arrangements with me. Friends allowed me to
borrow lumpsums that I still can’t believe they did. my apartment complex,
they took what they could and just worked with me on the rest just off of
proof I was seeking employment.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When life just pistol
whips you, don’t lay on the ground too long thinking WHAT THE HELL JUST
HAPPENED! Because life hasn’t stopped so there is still work to be done.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Don’t completely disappear
and keep it all to yourself when you’re in devastating situations. Then,
how can God use anyone to any doors, if people don’ t know the door needs
opening. Silence in times of trial can truly be deadly. Your spirit can
die, opportunities can die & even blessings, all b/c you chose to go
at it COMPLETELY alone. Just because you didn’t want to “trouble” anyone.</span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>NOTE: If you’ve taken
the prayer and consideration to surround yourself with good people and people
God has ordained for your life, then sharing shouldn’t be a problem.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This came to life for me when just chatting with my
wonderful , humble and loyal friend Chelsi Henry. She hired me as an intern
during the fall 2010 campaign and it was paid. A great experience and I even
made connections that I know that will be useful for me when its time to
execute my visions (more on that later)</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Election time ended and I was like well, what now God? Sure
enough I joined a staffing agency and had temp holiday work at Cole Haan making
$13 buck an hour. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then I got hired as a temp for Allstate. And a gig that had
no guaranteed length, continued to be extended and carried me over from after
the election was over and the intern ship ended into the new year, 2011.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">More lessons:<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let it burn. When God hasn’t told you to move but everything
points towards you moving, you gotta let it burn and SIT STILL!</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Turn the volume down on the anxiety and restless channel and
turn it up on the Holy Spirit channel, let him comfort you. Let him show you
what you are supposed to be learning in this season. Because if you don’t learn
it, TRUST you’ll be back there again.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Obedience doesn’t mean smooth sailing, it just means
covering; obedience doesn’t mean things won’t fall apart, its just means its
God’s doing and you are covered by his promises that come with obedience.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Optimism can save your life. Did you know that the burden of
negativity and hopelessness can physically weigh you down? so when you’re in a
bad season, just remind yourself, “I WILL GET THROUGH THIS. THIS ISN’T A
SITUATION THAT GOD IS UNEQUIPPED TO BRING ME THROUGH OR RESTORE ME FROM IF MY BIGGEST FEAR TAKES PLACE”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Scriptures that took me through this time, if you’re going
thru ANYTHING like this, get yo spiritual food on!<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Isa. 55:8 NLT </span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">"My thoughts are
nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far
beyond anything you could imagine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #001320; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Rom. 8:28 NIV “And we know that in all
things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called
according to his purpose.”</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gal. 6:9 NLT “</span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">So let's not get tired of
doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing
if we don't give up.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #001320; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">2 Cor 12:9 NLT “Each time he said, "My
grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad
to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #001320; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Matt 6:26-27 NIV “</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span class="woj"><sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">26
</span></sup>Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in
barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable
than they?</span> <span class="woj"><sup><span id="en-NIV-23310"><span style="font-size: x-small;">27 </span></span></sup>Can
any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?</span>”</span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span><span style="color: red; font-family: Calibri;"><strong>MY NEXT BLOG: Do you remember why you’re doing this?</strong></span></div>
<span style="color: red;"><strong>
</strong></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Calibri;"><strong>Sometimes you forget what your motive is and just start
doing it to prove something to the world.</strong></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17850232217713264264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996408759567431204.post-81563954693669914802012-12-27T14:16:00.002-08:002012-12-27T14:43:31.769-08:00Reminder of your Riches<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had to detour from my “Decade of Dissabration” to share
this story today. I feel kinda stongly about it.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Holidays are rough for everyone for one reason or another: </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Reminders of family members that have passed on </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Being single and no one to do all the
holiday-ish thingies with</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Blaring pressure<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>and glaring reminders of not having enough money with all the secret
santas, Christmas parties, new years eve parties, catching up with friends (and
of course everything is done over food), baby sitters for your crumb snatchers,
gas money to drive to dozens of events and family/friends houses, food to cook,
weddings to attend/purchase gifts for</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">People that are freshly divorced or broken up
and its their first holiday without the significant other</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Forced reflection upon how successful or unsuccessful /happy o unhappy the
past year has been </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So that being said, the enemy or forget that joker we ourselves,
can slip into a funk. Again, let my life be a road map for you lol. Let’s read
about my funk shall we? Oh come on, you know we like hearing about drama of any
kind. It’ll only take a second.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So the scene enters with me this morning at my 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup>
job. It’s going ok my 1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> hour there. I’m starting to get my groove.
And then in walks the store manager. I’m somewhat on her bad side right now due
to an alleged no call no show (for a place that doesn’t have a vm and no one
answers the phone but I digress lol). So yeah in she comes. We’re all shocked
as it is because it’s 6am! She does not work or come in this early to check on
us. First words to me are “where’s your belt?” I’m like aha I got her! I say “you
said you don’t have to wear belts unless your pants have loops.” She says “THOSE
have loops.” And I do a no look feel, and sure enough they have loops.
#cussapropriatemoment </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I say I am sorry I guess I was rushing and grabbed the wrong
black pants #truestorytho</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">She says, “well we’re having visitors at 7 so you’ll have to
leave then.” Sighhhh (the sigh was me not her)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But no this is not where the funk slip begins. It’s what
happens after this. For some reason this morning, we had no customers in the
lobby area. And the hazing began. Out of everyone there she kept sending me out
to the keep busy tasks. Let me just say I think my regular manager had me a
little spoiled ya know? if there’s nothing to do, she just has me make sure everything’s
full, that tables are wiped off, that trays are gathered, and bag up food for
the drive thru person.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But not this manager. First she sends me to wash the
windows. Then I get back and she says, now can you make sure the bathrooms are
stocked. I go to them and I promise I don’t even know what I’m looking for
except for if there’s toilet paper and soap. So I check that and I ask her if
there’s anything else. She tells me, to WIPE DOWN THE BATHROOM WALLS and make
sure I spend extra time under the dryer. And let me just say I wasn’t even mad
at her persay because that’s the job. And before I started this job I was like
ok I see you Colossians 3:23. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But when I was in the men’s bathroom, scrubbing the wall. I
thought about my getting valedictorian, I thought about my bachelor’s degree, I
thought about the jobs I had that I was making twice as much and got downsized
from, and THE FUNK ensued. I was like God, was it all for this? All that darn
hard work for this?!?</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Most time I just suck it up and do what I gotta do, but in that
men’s bathroom I had a full on MOMENT. I mean I was in a movie with full sad
mood music in the background, the montage flashback and all.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Moments like those are why I know God is real. Because it
was only because of him that I didn’t just walk out you know?</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So she send me on home at like 645a with a reminder to wear
my belt next time and I go home and work out a little before I head to my main
job.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It hit me while I was venting to one of my besties (that’s
why it’s so important to be silent when a friend is talking to you because they
can sometimes work their own way to the answer) about how weary I was getting
and how I don’t feel I have anything to show for my hard work. It dawned on me,
that I’ve really only had 2 major continuous thorns: money and relationships.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I proceeded to think of EVERYTHING ELSE that was going
right. Things I have that people all over are praying for and wishing for that
has just become my norm.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have a great church home and radical pastors
that care about their flock</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have never been sick or injured in my life</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My parents are healthy and very involved in my
ilfe</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have the best friends on the planet, the kind
that support all my endeavors, will be a shoulder to cry on, they let me be me
and they don’t separate themselves when I have rough times and give of
themselves in every capacity possible (financially, emotionally, spiritually etc…)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have 2 jobs and some people are not able to
find one</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have multiple gifts and talents and God has given
me the boldness to walk and operate in all of them</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I challenge you to examine your life. And whenever you
start to feel “poor” in an area, look around and see what riches you are so
used to possessing that you don’t even look at anymore.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Kinda like an Arabian princess that is so use to the
billions her daddy has that she would dare to say her life sucks just because
she is lacking, oh I dunno multiple friends. We may say, “excuse me while I don’t
feel sorry for<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you as you sit in a
million dollar estate.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Someone can look at us and say, ”excuse me while you’re
whining over a job while I look for one.” “or boo hoo you didn’t have a date to
the Christmas party. I don’t have legs so its even harder for me to find love.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">LET US ALL MAKE AN EFFORT TO NOT GET SO TIED UP IN THE
MATERIAL THINGS AND GET MORE TIED UP IN, LORD AM I PLEASING IN YOUR SITE TODAY?
THEN TODAY WASN’T A BAD DAY AFTER ALL.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17850232217713264264noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996408759567431204.post-23042649675226524112012-12-23T23:57:00.000-08:002012-12-24T00:05:50.539-08:00What God says versus What I said versus What makes sense: Balancing it all<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
This will show you why you should n<span style="font-family: Calibri;">ever let fear be your god. Fear isn’t a very good god.
Trust me I served it for quite awhile. It didn’t’ answer any prayers, I talked
to it and it didn’t talk back. It didn’t provide for me or make ways for me. And
worst of all, it serving it made me weaker not stronger.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">See how fear of being broke, fear of being illogical and
fear of the unknown effected me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So let’s see what you all can learn from my education/career
journey.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The M’s: Medical,
Massage and Money<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let me start by saying, I am a scientist at heart. I like
calculating, measuring, math, symmetry, structure, repetitiveness. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Science classes were always my favorite classes and I knew I
love helping people, so for me it was a no brainer to become a doctor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>funny isn’t it,
how something as serious as what you’re going to do for the rest of your life,
you’re supposed to know at the right old age of 17 or 18, when you haven’t even
lived.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nevertheless, in 2001, off to UNF I went, I majored in
psychology, and started taking the pre-med classes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Along the way I fell in love with the idea of pharmacy and
got a job in that arena. I took the PCAT and scored fairly well. I wanted to
still live in Jacksonville though and go to pharmacy school. To me that’s where
my life was: my ministry, my man, my family. I figured I had 2 shots: FAMU satellite
school and UF satellite school. I applied to UF, didn’t get in. I applied to
FAMU, kept getting run around and wasn’t sure where I stood. They even said
they lost my paperwork and said I had to resend it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So by august I had accepted the idea it wasn’t
happening. THEN they called me the day before I needed to be there for an
interview. But I was kinda over it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
as you know, life is much more than just what is happening in class. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Meanwhile, I began to struggle with supporting myself in
school. There were a few bills, the other part of my tuition that bright
futures didn’t cover, and my loan covered room and board but not much else.I
kept running into the problem, of having a job, but if my class schedule
changed and the job I had couldn’t accommodate me, then there was a dilemma.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">WHAT MADE SENSE to me, was getting a job that I could make
my own schedule. I could make money as I finished school & it was something
I always wanted to do anyway to help my mom out. She always had me working on
her. So I had the bright idea of going to school for massage.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So in 2005. I leave UNF for a year, get my massage therapist
certification, get my state license, get business cards, brochures, a website, purchase
a table, market myself, did promotional things around holidays… and uh, well
short of a handful of people, it did not blossom! My target was “my people” and
who knew that that many black people were funny about nudity or being touched.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So then, I looked to resorts/spas, well we only have 3. Ritz
at Amelia Island, Ponte Vedra Club and the Marriot Sawgrass. I applied to
Amelia and didn’t get it. Marriot wasn’t hiring. Ponte Vedra only need on call.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So then, I tried chiropractor’s offices. Again, only needed
on call help. However, one of my teachers had recently started her own clinic,
focusing on neuromuscular massage. She picked me and my white sister to intern
for her and I definitely learned a lot. Didn’t make much money though. And it
closed down soon after. Meanwhile I the steady income I had while I worked on
this endeavor, had closed their Jacksonville location, and I found a job inside
a furniture store that worked with my UNF school schedule. Just another attempt
to make the best of the current situation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Birth of a
Performing Artist <o:p></o:p></span></u></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Behind the scenes of all this, God had been really getting
my attention. It’s funny how he will allow all your plans to go arry, and let
things fall apart so for once instead of looking around, you’ll look up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anytime I would hear something on the radio, I would
instantly start forming choreography for it in my head.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would go to sleep and I would dream dance pieces. I never
let it go any further. I mean I was a scientific person not creative. I just
ignored it for awhile. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mean I figured, as long as I was serving it didn’t matter
how. I was on new members ministry and I had also joined a community choir led
by my brother Kavin. I loved to sing and I loved the fellowship. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I guess my time ran out. And he wouldn’t let me run from
it anymore. He let me know in so many terms that dance was going to be apart of
my future in a major way. But then there came the question of WTH??? I am not
built like a dancer. I haven’t been dancing since I was 3. And I can barely
afford my bills so how am I going to afford dance classes? THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. Why would you start giving me a passion for something that its clear you didn't create me to do. i am the antithesis of a dancer God. Nobody would look at me and say oh she looks like a dancer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p>NOTE: when God speaks to you about your calling, use your memory, its probably not the first time you felt the tug for what he is saying. forget the fact that i had been dancing in church since middle school. that i dance and sang in plays at school, that in high school i choreographed and performed as entertainment for our school male pageant, or that i danced with my marching band, or that i danced as my talent for the Ms. Black and Gold pageant. no, apparently according to me, this dance thing was all out of the blue.</o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Still, that wasn't on my mind and I felt like science was my thing, but I realized that things were going to keep falling
apart until I listened. So in 2006 I left the singing group and my church's new members ministry and I joined my church’s dance ministry and at the
right old age of 23, I joined a local Christian dance studio. More about my
dance journey later. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back to “my plan”<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So b/c God is blaring about dance, I gave him a
bone. And I kept on with my plan. I got my degree in Biology, and since
pharmacy nor massage worked out, I looked for jobs that required a degree/was in
science. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My line sister sent me an application to Vistakon, research and
development. And in January 2008 I got my first grown up job right of out
school! Making $15 bucks an hour, related to my major. FINALLY things were on
my side!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had so many plans. Taking more dance class, start paying
on some loans, build up a savings, etc.. etc… I was on my way. And then, the
rumors started. Business is down, they’re going to be making cuts in R & D.
yeah, 10 months later I said good bye to Vistakon, or rather, vistakon said
goodbye to me. I was still living paycheck to pay check, so taking the time to
find something else in my field was NOT an option, I just needed a job and I needed
it quickly! <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So my bestie, she worked at the Hyatt and she heard they
were hiring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A week later, I was working
at Hyatt in the Engineering department, making 3.50 less an hour. So much for
those plans I had. And so much for trying to get back to what God had shut up
in my bones as far as dance was concerned. I told God I was going to eventually
go to school for dance after I got my money straight. I needed more money! In
fact, to make up for the difference in funds, In 2009, I took a 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup>
job at state farm. So I was working 8-5 at hyatt and 545 to 945 at state farm.
What a life!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">NOTE: don't mess up your own plan by not being a good stewart of your open door. sure i saved a little, but mostly, i did what i didn't have a chance to do when i didn't have the money before. I travelled a little, i ate out more than usual... it was just not what the 2nd job was supposed to be about!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After about 11 months of going like that, I knew I had to
make a change, again, I went back to WHAT MAKES SENSE TO ME! So I researched ways
to add on to my degree. One of those ways was the medical technologist program
at FCCJ. The program alone, when completed you were a lab tech. But if you had
a science bachelors. When you completed the program, you were a lab scientist.
Made sense to me. So in spring of 2010, I joined the program.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After one semester, I finally stepped up and did what God
had been trying to get me to do. I changed my major to entertainment technology
and dance. The scariest yet most liberating moment of my life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The story does not go smooth from there. But this particular
blog definitely should stop here so we can get to the lessons.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">LEARN FROM MY
LIFE!<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Always consult God. For
everything. He says in his word that they that hunger and thirst after
righteousness shall be filled. If you’re seeking him for the right move, he
loves that and he wants to answer.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What makes sense isn’t always the right answer, and what
doesn’t make sense isn’t always the wrong answer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Don’t be afraid to make the wrong move. God would rather you
make a wrong move trying to follow him and he guide you back to where he wants
you, then you sit and do nothing b/c you’re not sure of anything.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You HAVE to believe the statement that all things work
together for good. If not, then everytime a plan falls apart, you will find
your self depressed, believing you’re a failure, or doubting your ability to
hear from God, or worse, doubting God.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My career path has went to Timbuktu and back. But what I have
learned is that in those moments on the journey that appear to be “off course”
he is teaching you. God is always showing you things about you and turning
things around for his glory. There are assignments at every turn. People I never
would have met, strength I never would have gained if I didn’t go down every
single path I went.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ask yourself, will you really do anything for his glory? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Realize once you give your life to Christ, there are somethings
that are under your free will, but TRUST AND BELIEVE, he don’t play about that sovereign
thing. And when he gets ready to do something, that’s a wrap. Like for real no
discussion at all.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My next blog? How to
keep plugging away when obedience doesn’t seem to make things much better.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17850232217713264264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996408759567431204.post-61307703580978467942012-12-22T21:01:00.000-08:002012-12-27T14:39:03.351-08:00The Intro to my Decade of Dissabration<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think it was when I was a senior in high school when I had
my first major blows concerning Discouragement. I mean I am the product of
divorced parents and had a member of my immediate family that was on and off
addicted to crack (causing loss of cars,home/apartments, etc..), so dark times,
tragedy, devastation, no big. I think I’m more used to tragedy than peace,
truth be told. It’s made evident in the fact that when things are going well
for I dunno any longer than a month, I start to look over my shoulder. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So no I am not speaking of the inevitable “rough times,” no <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>what I am speaking of is let downs, disappointments…
disturbances if you will.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The last 10 years (my twenties) have been an absolute doozy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The question on the table is, when your plan miserably
fails, when what should be the natural next step never happens, or when
happenstance interrupts your course, what do you do? How do you recover?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This blog will be a series of reflections, lessons and
impartations. It will force me to look at my past and present self, be
transparent and walk out what I’m writing about.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But before I can break it down into mini nuggets, I think I
owe you a timeline of errrr… lets just call them dissabrations
(dissappointments and celebrations). There are so many moments but I will limit
this to those that impacted what I will be discussing in future blogs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2001 - I graduated high school valedictorian. I also got
dumped by my high school sweet heart who I’d been dating since freshman year. I
also found out that although I was a valedictorian, I didn’t have the bomb
scholarship I thought all valedictorians automatically get. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got accepted to UNF and got a non renewable
1 year grant.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2002 – I started dating the man of my dreams. College sweetheart
was in full effect! I also started attending YVOG, an amazing campus bible
study. I met my sister Leslie. I joined Bethel Baptist Institutional Church.</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2003 – I started on the pre-pharmacy track, became a CPhT
and worked at Walgreens. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2004 – I left Walgreens and started a job that compensated
my school schedule, a private hospice company that employed pharmacy tech. I moved
into my own apartment. I joined a singing group.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2005 – I left UNF for a year and completed the program to
become a licensed massage therapist. My pharm job was moved to Alabama, forcing
me to take a downsizing package. I was a stage manager for the 1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup>
time. I met my bestie. I joined dance ministry at church.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2006 – I started taking ballet classes at a local studio for
the first time in my life! I worked at a neuromuscular massage clinic. It went
out of business.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2007 – I pledged Delta Sigma Theta sorority and I “unofficially”
graduated college with my Biology degree. Several fall outs with with close
family members.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2008 – My 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup> dad passed away, I was hired and ten months later was downsized
from my “grown up job” at Vistakon, my college sweetheart broke up with me, I “officially”
graduated college. I met the YVOG eboard crew. I went up 4 dress sizes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2009 – Started YVOG praise dancers. I started and ended 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup>
job at state farm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2010 – I started program at FSCJ to for Medical Technologist
(fancy word for lab scientist) only to switch to Entertainment
Technology/Dance. I left my job for a better gig, from which I was fired from
not meeting quota. I attended campus harvest for 1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> time. I started
sending promise scriptures.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2011 – I had to pause school. I was hired as a stage manager
for a theater production company for 1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> time. I was hired to my 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup>
“grown up job.” I quit my 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup> “grown up job.” I was<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hired to a “less grown up” job. I joined my
first pre-professional dance company. My immediate family moved in with me. I became
an auntie. I joined choir at church. I went down 2 dress sizes. I was delivered
from opinions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2012 – I went down 2 more dress sizes. I FULLY let go of my past relationships. I rejoined dance
ministry at church. I got hired for 1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> time as a production
manager. I got a place with a family member. I moved out of the place with my
family member. My church did Team 52. I
started a new relationship. I started a 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup> job.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s a lot right? So many changes. So many starts and stops.
WELCOME TO MY LIFE. If you follow this blog, you will learn so much. About
careers, relationships, finances. About discernment, decision making, how
following God can make you look crazy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thanks for coming along for the ride.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My next blog? Will be <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What
God says versus what I said versus what makes sense: how to balance it all</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17850232217713264264noreply@blogger.com1